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Pedestal Pusher

01/8/2012

In one of the last few posts I did on “West of Mayberry,” I had a self-discussion (which is pretty much what all my full-on posts are) about how fair is it to expect someone to uphold a standard that you placed on them.

Anybody who was a regular reader knew that I was referencing my relationship with The Attorney.

Ever since, it’s been gnawing at me to figure out why I had sort of put him on a pedestal.  It didn’t come from him.  It was totally my doing.  He just is who he is.  If I imagined him even greater, then that’s my fault.

Whatever the reason I did it, I realized that it’s something I have done before with important male figures in my life.

I did it to my daddy.  I did it to my brother.

I pushed them both up onto a pedestal, a place that, in hindsight, neither one was ever really comfortable being.

And they both fell.

Hard.

And neither one was able to climb back on again.

My father couldn’t.  And wouldn’t let my brother.

I realized that when the Attorney slipped, even just for a moment, it scared me that he was going to do it to me, too.

Fall.

Hard.

The fear was so deep in my bones that I only knew anger to protect myself.

I regret that now, because he needed my support, not my judgement.

Maybe it will come to me one day as to why I tend to make gods, idols, and heroes out of regular men. But as long as I continue to build pedestals for them, I have to be ready and willing to help shore them up when they wobble.

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There are 7 comments in this article:

  1. 01/8/2012Thomas Harris says:

    Maturity is admitting your faults and learning from them. Lucky Attorney and you, it sounds like,

  2. 01/8/2012rayrayj says:

    How wonderful that he only slipped and also wonderful that you recognize sometimes he needs you to support him.

  3. 01/9/2012SemperFido says:

    I don’t know that I have anything to say that’s worthy of a permalink, Tony… but I’m fairly confident you’ve been put on a pedestal by more than a few people. Whether or not it’s what you signed up for, it’s reality. To some, you too are a god. Unreachable. Unattainable. Think of how often you see a Greek god on a pedestal and then look in the mirror or at your own stunning photos and you *might* see a resemblence. I guess what I’m saying is that even though we might feel silly for doing so, it’s natural. It’s part of who we are.

  4. 01/9/2012The Honourable Husband says:

    We can’t impose our standards on anyone without their consent. And if you’re completely honest with yourself, Tony, was this a “standard” or was it simply your personal prejudice? Were you judging The A. by how he conformed with what you would do, if you were he? Or simply what you would have liked him to do.

    A tough question, and it sounds like you’ve not flinched in the face it. Love to you both.

  5. 01/9/2012irisgirl says:

    Thank you for your candor, Tony. I hope you’ll share with us any further insights you develop on this issue. I also put certain people up on pedestals, and often don’t react wisely when they wobble and/or fall.

    I have to think this issure transcends gender, sexual identity or sexual preference, as I am a straight female. I sure would welcome any thoughts/guidance from you and my fellow readers.

    And as always, I wish you and the Attorney continued success on your journey of love and commitment!

  6. 01/9/2012Cb says:

    If I were to psychoanalyze, I’d say it’s because you love these people. And there’s probably something in your psyche that believes you are unworthy of being loved by these people in return.

    This elevates them, and over time they become these idealized versions of what they really are.

    Then heaven help them if they suddenly show they are human after all.

    Or something like that. ;-)

  7. 01/9/2012David SHP says:

    I don’t know what’s worse, putting people on a pedestal or being so outwardly dissapointed that they came down after you put them up there. If you’ve talked it out, great, give the guy a break. Even if he doesn’t belong on a pedestal, he probably deserves to be way ass high up there. From all your posts, he sounds like a great fella.

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