Can you say how many folks you’ve had sex with?
Not a firm number, anyway.
Not because there’s been all that many.
The number is probably a lot less that most of you probably think it is.
Especially if we’re only counting men.
Many of them were so long ago, I’m not sure I remember anymore.
I remember the standouts, of course. But I’ve been knocking it solely with The Attorney a little more than five years and I had about a year and a half hiatus before that.
So that makes it about seven years since I have taken anybody to the mat other than him.
And it’s highly unlikely that I will ever have sex with another man again.
Other than The Attorney, I mean.
Because I’m the monogamous type.
And I’m invested enough in this current ride on the monogamy-go-round to have a lifetime ticket.
But, that doesn’t mean I might not spot a pretty face in the crowd rolling by. One that I might want to take a couple of spins with.
Here’s the thing about monogamy: It erases all the barriers to sexual fulfillment with the one you love while, at the same time, cock-blocking any fulfillment with the ones you lust after.
And as long as I have my senses and a steady blood flow into my britches, I will know lust.
I won’t deny there’s a bedroom bucket list.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have desire for men other than your own.
In fact, I think it’s healthy.
A friend of The Attorney likes to say, “Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t go to Kroger’s.”
On one hand, I have to agree. I don’t really believe humans are wired for monogamy.
Especially male humans.
It’s just something we are taught is supposed to be.
But, I was also taught that being an ass hound is sinful.
Yet I have managed to reconciled that breach of ethics in myself.
So why do I feel so strongly about monogamy for myself?
I don’t know.
Maybe it’s simply the way my particular wiring works.
I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t thrown the log on a few fires, but in those times I have been serious with someone, I’ve always been all in.
Folks who are in open relationships have always fascinated me. It’s almost having your cake and eating it.
And I applaud those who are able to make it work.
I don’t think I could.
I’m not sure I could even play with someone along with The Attorney, let alone play on the side.
Actually I am sure.
Sure that I couldn’t.
The Attorney even asked me once if that was something I would ever want to do.
I can’t remember my exact response, but I know that he has never brought up the hypothetical again.
At least I think it was hypothetical.
It better have been.
Yet, if I was single, I would have no problem being the special guest of a host couple.
And I can be a shameless flirt.
Which The Attorney is fine with.
I just can’t take it further.
And I don’t want him to want me to.
So, I guess it’s more about insecurity than anything.
I grabbed hold of that brass ring and I’m afraid to let go.
Even for a second.
[ fin ]