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Looking After


After the Attorney left, following a weekend stay at our house, Granny said to me “You make sure you treat him right.”

I was a little offended that her concern was for how he was treated rather than how I, her own grandson, was.

“I know he treats you right.  You’re always happy.”

She wanted to be sure he was happy, too.

“Since you were little,” she went on, “I’ve always worried if you would be happy.”

Her worry mostly stemmed from how I handled the loss of both my parents in my teens.  She said it turned my brother mean and turned me sad.

“And you being like you are…”

I didn’t know what she meant at first.  But, as she kept talking I realized she was referring to my sexuality.

I’m not sure she has ever used the “G” word.  Not to me, anyway.

She’s aware and she’s cool.  But, I can’t remember her ever actually saying the word.

Like many people of a certain age, Granny worried that being gay would be a sentence of isolation and loneliness.

“I’ve seen so many live their lives without anyone.”

It was strange to hear a  woman who never speaks of homosexuality, speak with familiarity.

It made me ask if she knew folks or had friends.

She looked at me like I had a horn on my head and asked if the sky is blue.

“Nobody has ever walked this earth that doesn’t know folks.”

I guess you don’t get to be 97 years old1 and not.

And apparently I was one of those folks she knew even before I knew it.

“You weren’t ‘sissyfied’ or anything,” she said.

Her busting out old school Southern vernacular made me laugh.  “But, you were always up under your mama. There’s something to  boy like that.”

She reminded me that she doesn’t have a lot of time left, but said that it will be a lot more peaceful for her to go knowing she didn’t leave me by myself.

“So you be good to him so you don’t lose him.”

Here I thought I’ve been looking after Granny for the last 15 years or so.

Turns out she is still looking after me.

  1. next month 

There are 24 comments in this article:

  1. 02/24/2014Garris Wimmer says:


  2. 02/24/2014Laurent says:


  3. 02/24/2014charley says:

    With age comes wisdom!

  4. 02/24/2014Ron says:

    What a beautiful story Tony :-)

  5. 02/24/2014Michael says:

    I think I have been reading your blog(s) since Granny was…well maybe in her 80s, but this has got to be my favorite post to date!
    We never stop learning, observing and best- sharing.
    Love ya, Tony- and Granny, too.

  6. 02/24/2014Sean (The Jeep Guy) says:

    How wonderful.

  7. 02/24/2014kipp51 says:

    Beautiful – I wish I had someone looking out for me like that.

  8. 02/24/2014wfregosi says:

    How lovely–a very sweet and moving story.

  9. 02/24/2014Jeff M. says:

    Your granny is an awesome lady… but you already know that. Thanks for letting us know a little bit of her too.

  10. 02/24/2014Truthspew says:

    Grandmothers are frequently the awesome members of any family.
    My maternal grandmother died way too young, but my paternal
    survived until she was 86 and I was 40. She met my guy and loved

    But then stories I heard about my grandmothers younger days, well, she too knew a lot of us.

  11. 02/24/2014Paul of Q now in MO says:

    Do, indeed, ” be good to him” and continue to count your blessings.The deaths of one’s parents can be traumatic–and probably should be. Again count your blessings. You’re fortunate to have such a wise Granny. And, again, thanks for sharing. And I promise not to say “again” again. Oops. I do so look forward to all of your posts. The difference between your insights and my drivel is obvious to me. Thanks–and I’m not going to use that word one more time.

  12. 02/24/2014Hank says:

    Whether it’s wisdom or insight, isn’t it wonderful that with age we finally learn that it is the love and companionship that is important and not the gender of the people doing the loving. Thank you for sharing.

  13. 02/24/2014Tim says:

    ~You are an amazing writer…and person…and I am so lucky to have
    found this blog.
    Thank You for sharing this event with us. Greetings from the city of light!

  14. 02/24/2014Calvin says:

    Your Granny is a sweet, thoughtful, and loving woman

  15. 02/24/2014Joe says:

    This one bought me to tears…. how blessed are you

  16. 02/24/2014Dave says:

    Charming. Endearing. I want to meet your granny. She reminds me of my own.

  17. 02/25/2014DamienOz says:

    Again… tears.

    Wonderful blessed tears.

    Love to Granny.

  18. 02/25/2014Marc says:

    Sweetness and light to Granny, you and the Attorney.

  19. 02/26/2014brian says:

    There is one word that describes Granny to a tee! And that word is precious.

  20. 02/27/2014Patrick Andrews says:

    This made me smile! My parents have always been nice to whom ever I brought home!But it is nice,ain’t it!

  21. 02/27/2014Chris says:

    Endearing story and nice to see that Granny is doing fine.

  22. 03/1/2014Mike says:

    Awesome! What a powerful moment you both shared. In time, I hope
    it will be a blessing and a comfort to you. I had a similar conversation
    with my 89 yr old mother just before her passing. I am grateful we
    had that conversation. It is one my most cherished memories.
    Blessings to you and Granny!….and thanks for sharing your journey
    with us!

  23. 03/6/2014Ojo says:

    …another beautiful gem! All I can say is, “I just LOVE your granny!”
    I’m guess all your reader feel the same way!

  24. 03/9/2014cb says:

    There’s nothing wrong with having a little sugar in your tank. 😉

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