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Tell You What It Means To Me

I was being a whiny baby on Twitter (@largetony) over the weekend.

Basically I was feeling sorry for myself because of injuries I have been suffering from falling off a ladder a few days ago and I was pouting because The Attorney wasn’t here to take care of me.

Not that there was anything he could have done.  I’m just used to seeing him on the weekends and was feeling lonely and wanted him around.  But, he was away on a trip to Nashville.

I got a message from someone who basically said they couldn’t understand how I could put up with being in a relationship for five years where we only see each other once or twice a week.

The implication was that I am wasting my time.

Maybe I am naive (which is entirely possible when it comes to relationships for me) but isn’t better to have someone you really love some of the time than to have anyone else all the time?

Going through life “all or nothing” isn’t a way I want to live.  Too full a glass can be easy to spill, and you could die of thirst from an empty one.

But what is really interesting about the comment is that someone who is gay can’t seem to wrap their brain around the unconventional nature of my relationship with The Attorney.

How is that possible when we are living in an age where the gay community is doing its damnedest to get the rest of the world to understand that a relationship doesn’t have to be conventional to be valid, happy, and strong?

Not that I’m trying to give my little slice of life’s pie the importance of something so global.  But, there’s a parallel there.

You gotta learn to respect to get respect.

Lordy, my inner Aretha is about to come out.

[ fin ]

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Non-Birthday

Granny will have her 95th birthday at the end of the month.

On March 31st.

She thought it was last Saturday.

The 3rd.

I don’t know if she thought it was her 95th or not.  But she definitely got it in her head that it was her birthday.

Maybe because 3 and 31 are similar.

Or maybe because she’s almost 100 and tends to get things mixed up.

Not being here every day, the Attorney is not as used to Granny’s random disconnects as I am.   He has trouble just letting it ride.

“Even if it’s not her birthday, we can’t let her go through the day thinking that we forgot about her,” he worried.

I had trouble convincing him that we didn’t have to stress over a card or a cake or flowers or any of the things he felt like we should do on for her birthday-that-really-isn’t-her-birthday.

“She won’t remember it long enough to feel forgotten.”

He gets frustrated with me when I say things like that.  But if you live very long with someone who’s mind skips around, you have to learn to pick and choose just what you’re going to go on alert about.

So, I just told a her a little white lie, saying it was still the end of February and not the end of March.

And that I turned the calendar over too soon.

“Oh, I hope we don’t have any bad luck.”

Her focus shifted to superstitions, so I’m pretty sure she bought it.

She likely won’t think of her birthday again until I put a pound cake in front of her on the 31st.

But, despite my best efforts, the Attorney couldn’t stop himself from making quick trip to the store for the inevitable celebration that was never going to come.

Neither of us eats ice cream much, so “on sale,” was the official answer about the pints when Granny asked what the special occasion was.

Thankfully that was before he could give her a card that would remind only her of her non-birthday.

Now he can just save it for the actual day.

[ fin ]

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Secret Lives of Attorneys

I’ve always loved this scene from “The Talented Mr. Ripley.” (If the video doesn’t come up, try re-loading page.)

In fact it made me crush on Jude Law for a while, until I gave him up for Gyllenhaal.

The semi-ambiguous sexual tension is off the charts.

And when Dickie catches Ripley in the mirror…ugnh!

The Attorney caught me spying on him through the mirror the other night.

Except it didn’t have a fraction of the heat this scene does.

But it was sweet.

And one of the funniest damned moments of my life.

I had to pick up some things from a store near his house, so I decided to drop by.

Unannounced.

I guess because of the music he had on the stereo, he didn’t hear me let myself in or say hello.

I went up to his bedroom, where I saw him through the open bathroom door.

He was doing a little maintenance on his body hair and dancing to Al Green while checking his physique in the mirror.

It was a pure moment of private vanity.  A moment like we all have with ourselves in our own ways.

And I got to witness it.

The bubble burst on the magic moment when he caught a glimpse of me in the mirror and jumped ten feet in the air.

“What are you doing???”

He got a little grumpy when he answered that he was just getting ready for bed.

I guess it was his defense for feeling embarrassed by being caught.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were getting ready for a date, playing soul music and trimming you stuff,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

But, it didn’t really work.

I had seen something I wasn’t supposed to.

But, I’m glad I did.

Because I realize that the couple of minutes I silently stood there, seeing him completely uninhibited, gave me more than a good chuckle.

It made me fall in love all over again.

[ fin ]

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My Own Private Ambien

Many of you know I am an insomniac.

I have been sleepless most of my life.

I’ve never been sure why.

But I think about it a lot.

What else is there to do when you’re wide awake in the middle of the night?

Think or beat off.

I’ve devoted a healthy amount of time to both.

But, lately I have been sleeping more and it seems like getting more Mobdro APK shut-eye may have opened my eyes to what the problem may be.

Insecurity.

I started having trouble sleeping in my teens, around the time my mama died. In three years, my daddy was gone too. Sleeping through the night has hardly ever happened since.

It’s almost like I need to stay awake to make sure I don’t lose someone.

Lately I’ve been wrapping myself around The Attorney when he stays over.

Security.

This is significant because as if I didn’t already have enough sleep issues, I’ve always struggled with sleeping Apps like Mobdro with someone up against me.

Even The Attorney.

For most of our relationship, we’d cuddle until he fell asleep, then I would roll away and get as much air between us as I could.

But not as much anymore.

Now I hold on.

We get to share a bed only once or twice a week, but when we do, I sleep better.

Maybe because I know he will still be there.

Like my security blanket.

Or, at least, my own private Ambien.

[ fin ]

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Short and Sweet

Tonight Granny asked me if I “treat The Attorney right.”

Besides wondering why she would even consider that I don’t, I wondered why she didn’t ask the opposite.

Shouldn’t she be asking if he treats me right?

I’m her flesh and blood, after all.

But, she brushed that concern aside.

“I know he treats you right.”

She said she knows because I’m happy.

“Be sure you make him happy back.”

Yes, ma’am.

[ fin ]

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Check-In

It was a goal to be a more active blogger this year.

Three months in, and I’m already starting to slip.

But only because the weather has been so fantastic the last few weeks.  I’ve wanted to be outside doing stuff instead of sitting at the computer.

Plus, I just haven’t had much to say.

Although there were a couple of matters of note over the weekend.

We celebrated Granny’s 95th on Saturday.

No big ta-do.

Just simple little dinner and cards.

And pound cake, of course.

The Attorney passed on the cake and made an early evening of it.

He wanted to be at the top of his game for a race he was running early the next morning.

It paid off.

He finished in the top third of his division.

I drove down in time to see him finish and meet him at the end of the course.

Then it was back to his house for a good, pampering soak in the tub and a contentedly entwined midday snooze.

So, while it was a weekend without a lot of fanfare, I really don’t think it could have been more satisfying.

[ fin ]

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Slow and Steady

I’ve never been fast.

If I’ve ever won a race, it’s because I have long legs.

The Attorney is fast.

And he has longer legs.

So, he can outrun me.

And he loves that fact.

Partially because he is fifteen years older.

But mostly because of his competitive nature.

He’s got a natural fight in him.

For a long time I thought it’s a result of his line of work.

But now I realize it’s the other way around.

He’s doesn’t like a fight because he’s an attorney.

He’s an attorney because he likes a fight.

And being one gives him a civilized way to do it.

Don’t get me wrong. He’s not a bully.  He doesn’t go looking for a fight.

But if he finds one, he’s all in.

His adrenaline gets going and he’s zero to sixty in ten seconds.

He loves an argument.

For him it’s sport and he plays to win.

And is very good at it.

Except with me.

Because I don’t argue.

I generally just let things pass.

You can’t out-argue an attorney and you can’t outrun a long-legged man.

But slow and steady can ultimately win the race.

And it frustrates the hell out of a hare.

[ fin ]

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Cake Climber

cakeclimbr

Several weeks ago, long before Granny went into the hospital, The Attorney may or may not have asked me to marry him.

He just said out-of-the-blue, “When the time comes, why don’t we move to Massachusetts or somewhere we could get married?”

He said it so casually that I just blew if off as rhetorical.

Then he asked, “Do you believe in soul mates?”

I do.

I’m just not sure I believe in marriage.

For myself.

For other folks I think it’s great.

It’s not that I’m against it.  It just isn’t something that I felt like I really needed to be happy.

But, my eyes have been opened to the possibility.

I’m not climbing to the top of the cake or anything, yet.  But I’m probably at the base wondering what the view is like up there.

And maybe there’s a long-legged fella with a wide-mouthed grin waiting for me to get to where we take the final tier together.

Someone that has shown me that he’s not gonna let me fall off.

I don’t think it will come as a surprise to anyone reading when I say I’ve known for some time that The Attorney is committed to our relationship.  Neither a surprise that he is nor a surprise that I know it.

We got to bring Granny home today.  Because she is getting better.

And all his efforts on her behalf and mine these recent weeks have been momumental, tireless, and completely unselfish.

I came to realize that my long-legged, wide-grinning man is committed not only to me, but to everything that comes with me.

That’s a person you climb a cake for.

And one you hold tight to, to make sure that he doesn’t fall either.

But he’s gonna have to ask me proper.

[ fin ]

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I Get A Kick Out Of You

The Attorney and I have pretty always had a good sex life.

Lately, it’s been extra good. Especially since the chicken salad episode a few days before Granny came back home.

But, I never thought I would be kicked out of bed for it.

Without going into the details, we had a particularly long session last night where, close to the end, his right knee was pinned back to his ear with a size 14 planted on my chest.

Do your own diagram.

That’s when I got a kick out of him.

Literally.

When his fireworks went off, his whole body went into release and that right leg pushed forward with enough force to shove me back and off him.

Although the official story will be that he kicked me out of the bed, really I just got pushed to the edge of the mattress, then fell off.

Which is one reason sex on the floor is so much better.

I’m just feel lucky that he’s a distance runner and not a sprinter.

That kind of explosive power might have put me through the wall.

[ fin ]

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No Pants Holiday

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Friday evening I pulled into The Attorney’s garage, pulled off my wife-beater and jeans, and pulled a couple of times on myself to get the wrinkles out. Then I headed through the laundry room, dropped my bag in the hall, past the breakfast room, out the back door, across the patio, and straight into the pool.

Except to eat, sleep, take a dumb, and for some of the sex, I didn’t leave the pool until I came home this evening.

Although he has come up here for long weekends and such, this is the first time in our five years that I have been able to be at The Attorney’s for more than about 24 hours.  And it was rare that I managed to do that.

We brokered a deal with the new nurse’s aide hired for Granny to stay over for two days and nights with her so that I could get away for part of the weekend and spend some time in some of my favorite places:

The Attorney’s pool.  The Attorney’s bed.  The Attorney.

For two days we sort of cut ourselves off from the world and the only contact we really had with anyone was with each other.

Face-to-face.

Parts-to-parts.

And I didn’t put my pants back on the whole time.

If I’m taking a holiday, why not give my britches get one, too?

[ fin ]

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