It Gets Longer

So, this guy goes out to a bar one night.

Not his usual thing.

He’s not the type.

But it was a holiday weekend.

He’s standing in the corner, trying his best to blend in.

Even so, he’s getting eye-balled by another guy.

The other guy is not the bar type either.

But for some reason, there they both are.

Although neither for very long.

They leave.

Together.

Which led to a hot tub.

And pancakes.

But nothing more.

Because the one guy isn’t big on one night stands.

Actually neither is the other.

They both prefer a little longer investment.

And now, eight Good Fridays later, The Painter and The Attorney have six-and-a-half years in the bank.

You know if you treat six-and-a-half right it gets longer.

Team Mates

Although not often, I’ve definitely used the term “boyfriend” in reference to The Attorney before.

In fact, I remember the first time I accidentally said it out loud.

But that was when things were still very new between us.

The reason I don’t use it much now is because “boyfriends” always makes me think of fresh-faced twenty-somethings.

At 37 and 52, we are a far cry from those days.

Even though we have become as routine as an old married couple, I can’t really say “husband.”

I don’t see a ring on my finger.

Nor do we share a home, vehicles, bank accounts, etc.

Plus, this is Tennessee.  Birthplace of the Tea Party.  1

“Sidekick” implies that one is in charge of the other.

We both have alpha tendencies, depending on the time, place, or activity.

So that’s probably why I mostly use the word “partner.”

It’s the best fit for us.

Because good partnerships balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses toward a better whole.

And in that regard, we make a pretty good team.

Which is pretty much what makes any sort of relationship a success:

Teamwork.

Maybe the right word is “teammate.”

I kinda like that image.

  1. Not the tea dance.

Night Watchman

I spend a lot of time watching The Attorney sleep.

I know that makes me sound like some slightly pervy psychotic obsessive/compulsive.

And I will admit to being obsessive/compulsive about a lot of things.

As well as pervy about slightly more.

But, really it’s because I sleep fewer hours than he does.

So, I will lay in bed with him. 1

Reading or blogging or playing with his iPad.

While he snores.

And when I get bored, I watch.

Not that much happens.

True to his cognizant nature, he is sort square and straight-laced when asleep, too.

The knot of his sleep pants is perfectly tied, and there is not the slightest bit of stretch in the neck of his t-shirt.

He always sleeps on his back.

Like a corpse.

And his chest swells deeply with every measured breath.

Other than that he doesn’t move.

Not unlike a corpse.

He has often woken up the next morning with whatever he had been reading laying on his chest and his classes perched on his head, both undisturbed.

If they are ever disturbed, it’s only if he gets up in the middle of the night 2 or if I put them away so I can wrap an arm and a leg around him as I go to sleep.

That’s just a starting point for me.  Because I’m a restless sleeper.

And I tend to change positions a lot. 3

But no matter how I am, I can always counting on rolling over to find The Attorney right there.

Solid.  Stable.

And a bit conventional.

Just the way I’d expect him to be.

There’s a certain security in that.

It helps me sleep.

  1. On those nights we get to spend together.
  2. Choose your own interpretation of that.  Most will be valid.
  3. See footnote 2.

No Distractions

I’ve been wanting to frame a picture for The Attorney.

But, I don’t like most pictures of my face.

That’s why in most pictures you’ve seen I offer some sort of distraction.

Arms.

Tummy.

Beast.

As much as I am an exhibitionist, narcissism isn’t really in my skill set.

But, every once in a while I take a picture that I like.

I like this one.

Even with the distraction cropped out.  1

  1. There may be a NSFW version out there somewhere.

Conversation Starter

It’s how we did it when I was a kid: Halloween costumes made from whatever we could come up with in the house.

So, that’s how I did it at age 37.

Kilt, boots, wife beater, cock ring, and my Grandaddy’s hat.

The only thing I bought was the little mask, because I wanted to be sure it stayed on good.

“Everybody is going to ask you what you are supposed to be.”

I didn’t think it mattered what I was as long as it was a costume.

If nothing else, it would be a conversation starter.

But The Attorney was right.

“What/Who are you?” was one of the two Questions of the Night.

I decided that I was some sort of Scottish carny. But on the drive over, he came up with “The CockRingmaster of Cirque Mc Soliel.”

I stuck with “Scottish carny.”  It was an easier answer.

The second Question of the Night, I expected.

“Are you wearing anything under the kilt?”

Or some variation on that.

The first person to ask was The Attorney.

I gave him an “of course not” look.

Apparently he read it as an “of course” look.

So, imagine my surprise at his surprise when he discovered I was wearing the kilt properly.

I was mostly surprised that he made the discovery at the party.

All night long I was very careful about how I would sit, so that no one would really know.

Mental note: next time take standing on balconies into account, too.

Talk about your about conversation starters.

Moon Rise

“Look at the moon.”

It was The Attorney, calling me just a few minutes ago, on the phone.

He sounded sleepy, which makes sense since we had a “goodnight” chat about two hours or so before.

“What are you doing up?”

He told me that he had gotten out of bed to pee and when he laid back down, he noticed the moon was beaming in through the blinds.

He knows I love the moon.

So, he wanted to make sure I saw it.

It happens a lot.

We talked for a few minutes.

About the moon; how clear the sky was; the stars.

I imagined us laying there, watching it all from his bed.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I said.

But he knew I was lying. I think he could tell a difference in my breathing.

He encouraged me to continue.

So, I did.

And he watched the moon while he listened.

Until it was over.

Then another “good night.”

And so it was.

[ fin ]

FancyLand Follow Up

A lot of opinions and questions sprung up from my post about the upcoming Halloween party.

I may have come across as more bothered by the Fancy Gays than I really am.  I don’t like spending time around this particular group of guys, but I’m not losing any sleep over them either.

Some of you wondered if The Attorney is aware of my feelings or their behaviors.

Yes.  He is.

Even though they are all thrown together in many social situations,  he stopped inviting them to functions at his house a long time ago.  He is polite and cordial to them, but he’s not interested in them crossing his doorstep.

The funny thing is, that probably only strengthens their feelings that I’m an interloper.  But that’s okay.  I appreciate the effort on his part.

Whether I want to or not, I think I should go to the party because the The Realtor is the host. Sure, he is Super Deluxe Fancy Gay, but we get along great and I consider him a friend. In fact, he is The Attorney’s best friend. 1  I don’t want to offend him.

And I don’t think it’s fair to make The Attorney go alone.  Of all the compromises and sacrifices you make in a relationship, this is a pretty minor one.

And it offers the bonus of relentless “payback” sex.

So, maybe a loan shark or repo man costume is the way to go.

Thanks for all the feedback, support, and ideas on the matter.  The best part was seeing all of you engage each other and sort of get a dialog going.  I love when readers interact.  I encourage y’all to do it more.

I only ask that you treat each other with respect and don’t stir up trouble.

But, I don’t really need to say that you guys.

My readers are the best.

  1. Other than me, of course.

FancyLand

I’ve been trying for two weeks to come up with a costume for a Halloween party I have to attend this weekend.

To be honest, I haven’t tried really hard.

Because I don’t want to go.

For two reasons:

1) I don’t like dressing up in costumes. 2) I’m going to be in a group of people who don’t care for me.

I have to go because The Attorney doesn’t want to go alone.

He has to go because the party is being hosted by his best friend, The Realtor.

Now, The Realtor and I get along great.  We often spend time with him.

But, some of their mutual friends, a group I call the Fancy Gays…well that’s another story.

I call them that because the are all gay men of a certain income who live off their momma’s money, wear the right clothes, attend the right parties, drive the right cars, etc.  They think of themselves as carrying Gold Fancy Cards.

And they turn their noses up at people like me.

It comes from the fact before me, they all had been working on getting him matched up with another member of their group.  Apparently, things were looking promising until I came along.

The fact that I am not of their social standing was just the icing on the cake.

Or the piss in their Wheaties.

And in five or so years, they still have not quite gotten over it.

To be fair, they are not mean to me, or display any kind of direct hatred.  It’s very subtle.

And very cold.

It would be easier to take if they disliked me because of who I am. Other than The Realtor none has taken the time to get to know me.

They disliked me because of what they think I am: a country home wrecker.

What’s interesting 1 about their actions is that The Attorney wasn’t born into FancyLand either.  He actually grew up in the country. 2  But, now that he is pretty much a self-made man and fairly high profile, they see him as someone to be connected with.

I compare this with another group of The Attorney’s friends, the Saturday Gang.

The Attorney has had season tickets for University of Tennessee football for a long time. 3 So have several people who have seats in the vicinity of his.  Over the years, they have all become friends.

These folks are all straight couples who have the money and position to carry Platinum Fancy Cards.  4 We socialize with them only for a few hours a handful of Saturdays a year, so they’ve had nowhere near the opportunity to get to know me on any real level.  But, never once have I not felt a part of it the gang.  They have welcomed me from day one.

I can be myself, and it’s no big deal.

So, maybe my Halloween costume should involve a mask.  The Fancy Gays don’t seem to want to get beyond the surface anyway.

  1. read: hypocritical
  2. I was actually born in the city and moved to the country as a teenager.
  3. Once you have them, you don’t give them up.
  4. Some qualify for a Black Fancy Card.

Paradise Found

Some time last year on my old West of Mayberry blog, I wrote a post about my dream house.

If there was a spot like this on the property, I really wouldn’t care much about what the house was like.

This has everything I want.

Seclusion.

Water.

And a tall lanky man to share it with.

I would never wear a stitch of clothes again.

Paradise.

*Found at the Tumbler page of Aussielicious.

The Prince Who Loved A Frog

Earlier today, The Attorney and I were discussing my writing and he challenged me to write something for him.  I don’t do poetry or anything like that so I thought I’d write him a story.  I wanted to him be able to take it back home with him, so it had to be something short.  His encounter with my friend’s niece a few weeks ago, prompted me to try my hand at a children’s story. It’s just a couple of hours work, so don’t judge too harshly, please.

The Prince Who Loved A Frog

Once there was a prince named JD.

Like most princes, Prince JD was tall and handsome and charming.

He was as charming as any prince could be.

He was also a friendly and good prince.

Everywhere he went, the people of the kingdom would shout, “Look there’s Prince JD.  Hello, Prince JD!”

“Why, hello to you, too,” Prince JD would shout back, waving.

One day, while he was exploring the land, Prince JD happened up on a frog who was headed to the creek for a swim.

“Hello there!” Prince JD shouted, beaming his large smile.

The Frog looked around and from side to side, to see whom the Prince was addressing.

“Princes don’t speak to frogs,” he thought to himself.

But, Prince JD was speaking to the Frog.

And he did again.

“You there…Hello!”

The Frog, who was very shy, retreated a few steps into some tall grass and quietly croaked a hello.

Prince JD was fascinated by the sound.

“You have a very deep voice,” he said to the Frog.

“Frogs do,” the Frog said in reply.

“You’re a Frog?”

The Frog confirmed that he was.

“I am a prince,” JD responded.

The Frog could tell.

Prince JD knelt down, parting the tall grass to get a better look.  ”I thought Frogs were supposed to be funny looking.  You don’t look funny to me at all.”

The Frog thanked him for his kindness and started on his way.

“Wait.  Don’t go,” the Prince begged. “I want to know more about you.”

“You do?” asked the puzzled Frog.

“Yes,” said the Prince. “I’ve never met a Frog before. Tell me, what do Frogs like to do?”

“Well,” the Frog thought, “I like jumping.”

He demonstrated with a great leap.

“That looks like fun,” Prince JD said, before bending his longs legs and jumping into the air himself.

The Frog was impressed.

“Very good.  You jump very high for a Prince.”

The Prince was so proud that he jumped again and The Frog leapt with applause.

Soon the Prince and the Frog were leaping around the village and having such fun that the Frog had almost forgotten that he had been on his way to the creek for a swim.

When Prince JD found out, he exclaimed, “I love to swim! I swim every day in the Royal Pond.”

The Frog thought how wonderful it would be to swim in a place like the Royal Pond.

“How would you like to go swimming there right now?” the Prince asked.  ”We now have two things that we both enjoy!”

So, off they went, Prince JD and the Frog, jumping and leaping all the way to the Royal Pond where they whiled away the afternoon, racing, splashing, and laughing.

From that day forward Prince JD and the Frog were the best of friends.

Besides swimming, they played games, shared books, and spent evenings watching the moon.

People almost never saw one without the other.

But instead of waving hello to the Prince, people would now point and make fun.

“Look!  There goes Prince JD with that Frog friend of his,” they would say. ”Who ever heard of a Prince with a Frog for a friend?”

The Frog was used to being made fun of.  Frogs always are. But it made him feel bad to have Prince JD made fun of because of him.

One day, they were laying in the grass after a long swim, looking up at the clouds.

“That one looks like a frog,” Prince JD said, pointing at a fluffy clump.

“It looks like a prince to me,” the Frog argued back.

“Maybe it’s frog who is a prince.”

That gave the Frog an idea.  He told Prince JD to kiss him.

“What?”

“Kiss me.”

The Prince did not hesitate a moment and leaned down to kiss The Frog.

It made the Frog tingle.  He tingled so much that he was sure he felt it having an effect.

But, when they separated, the Frog only felt disappointment. He sighed and sank deep into the grass.

“It didn’t work. I’m still a frog.”

“Of course you’re a frog,” the Prince said. “What else would you be?”

The Frog went on to explain that he once heard a story about a princess whose kiss turned a frog into a handsome prince and they lived happily every after.

“I thought maybe it worked with princes, too.”

“I’m glad it didn’t work,” Prince JD said.

“Really?” asked the Frog in disbelief.

“Really,” Prince JD answered. “Because then you wouldn’t be you.”

Even though a kiss couldn’t change a thing between them, it was another thing they both enjoyed.

So, they kissed again.

And again.

And they lived happily ever after.

THE END.

I printed it out and told him not to read it until he gets home.  So, at the time of this posting, I have no idea yet what he thinks.