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A Bad Case Of Crab

I got up to pee in the middle of the night and at some point realized I was horny.

I was hard before I got back to the bed.

The Attorney was asleep facing out so I decided to make him aware by pushing the tip against his lips.

I ended up poking him in the nose instead.  But it still woke him up.

He swatted me away.

Just in case he didn’t get the message, I thumped it on the side of his face a couple of times.

“No,” he grumbled, covering his face with his arm.

Usually that’s a signal that he wants to play a little rough.

Which only improves my posture.

But he didn’t want to play.

Rough or otherwise.

“My stomach is in knots.”

He also had a little bit of a fever when I checked.

And then diarrhea.

Nothing will ruin your posture faster than the thought of that.

“I think it’s the crab,” he groaned afterwards.

He figured it was food poisoning.

If so, it was the first time I was cock-blocked by a take-out crab salad.

[ fin ]

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Published inAttorney


  1. Thomas Harris Thomas Harris

    LOL thats a great story, ahh poor lawyer, and good for you being piggy in the middle of the night, always next time

  2. At least it wasn’t crabS

  3. martin martin

    Ah sir. Your title was just a tad misleading. Crab? Mine was chicken. I never knew the body could chuck out so much material from every orifice often through more than one at the same time. Thank heaven the sink was right next to the toilet.

    But, hey, you got to play nurse Tony you lucky bugger.

  4. Eww… gross. The poor attorney!

  5. Paul from Q Paul from Q

    “Posture” as in be erect? Never thought of that. Bet you can’t balance a book on it.
    It’s good to know his ailment is temporary and you can get back to your normal–uncrabby–selves.

  6. irisgirl irisgirl

    I’d say that’s the ultimate in a crabby response to your request for a mid-night bj!

    And I love the descriptive “ruin your posture”————–I’m going to have to borrow that!

  7. Semper Fido Semper Fido

    You are much more thoughtful than one of my exes, when I was sick with the flu from Hell, he would not leave me alone. He pounded me mercilessly while he just laughed at my discomfort. It was one of the most sadistic sexual experienes I ever had but I remember thinking I would have the last laugh when HE caught whatever was ailing me. No luck, he never got so much as a sniffle. Hateful… I miss him. LOL

  8. Better you heed the warning than the potential outcome. Lol

  9. Andrew Stow Andrew Stow

    Ahahaha! This is hyper cute and deserves air time on NPR.

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